I've been having a recurring nightmare lately, it's scary. Oddly, I am starting to remember some parts of it. Those who know me will realise that this is odd. I never believe in my dreams and can never remember them.
The time of the year is to be blamed for the lapses. This is often when people reflect on what they've done the past 12 months and look forward to what they hope to achieve in the next 12 months. It's strange how people measure their lives, what is often an achievement for you doesn't mean anything to anyone else. In a way, this is what makes each of unique. However, when comparing what you've done in your life with someone else, sometimes you feel a little short changed and wish you could step into their shoes, even for the briefest moment.
I've had a pretty momentous 12 months. I've changed a lot in the space of one year. Maybe not as much as some of my friends would like to think but there's a lot that you don't see!
Remember the question you were asked once, where do you see yourself in five years time? And from that, you planned what your life would be like, to as much detail as possible so that what you imagined would become reality. You always went with the popular choices, the stable jobs, the ones that would keep you in good health and the one without any risks. It's strange now that I think of what I would have said five years ago, it's so different compared to what and how I am living my life now.
Earlier in the year, I broke up with my fiancee. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to do in my whole life. Sometimes, I wake up wondering which day of my life I will spend regretting ever doing that. And there are some days which I wake up in sheer fear that he was the love of my life and the ship has sailed for me. Other days I wake up hopeful that it was the right thing for me to do in my life now. Some days I just wake up, with no thoughts, feeling happy to take on the world.
In October, I found out to my surprise that I was starting the third year of my PhD. It did creep up on me, maybe because I had spent a lot of time running the college bar! The realisation of that hit me like a ton of bricks, spurring me to work harder. Also the fact that I would be able to go to conferences and network with others (or have free holidays!) and would need something substantial to present.
Friends have kept me sane throughout the year. I've made friends from more countries in the past year than ever before and some of them have returned, increasing the number of places around the world that I can travel to and crash with. I am going to especially thank some people who have had to listen to my neuroses and deal with it. Inevitably, I am going to miss out some of you but I figure you already know in your heart how special you are to me. My best friend, Nom, who deserves special mention for having the heart to tell me things I don't want to hear. The same goes to Kath as well, you've been great this year. And Jean-Marie, I've only known you for a year but it feels like much more than that, don't leave! Mary, who takes me into her home and lets me hijack a family Christmas. She also listens to my doubts about my faith and belief in God and keeps me on the straight and narrow, most of the time. You can't win them all. Frischman, you know how great you are!! Sarah & Kathryn, you come as a pair because I met you both as a pair, especially since my fondest memories is of our crazy girly moments! Evelyn, Eveline and Valerie, I've known you three since college. We don't live in the same places anymore and in fact we don't even see each other that much but everytime we catch up we can speak for hours without even thinking about it. Good friends, which come up in the unexpected places include Elona, Phil L, Gav, the indispensable Mark K, the one who makes me laugh so much Ketan and others!
So, what do I want to achieve next year aside from the usual spiel? I should pretend to do some of this exercise malarky, I've been told it's good for you. I should stop smoking, but then again, I don't smoke very much at all. But that's another story for another day.
Took me a long time to say that huh?
The time of the year is to be blamed for the lapses. This is often when people reflect on what they've done the past 12 months and look forward to what they hope to achieve in the next 12 months. It's strange how people measure their lives, what is often an achievement for you doesn't mean anything to anyone else. In a way, this is what makes each of unique. However, when comparing what you've done in your life with someone else, sometimes you feel a little short changed and wish you could step into their shoes, even for the briefest moment.
I've had a pretty momentous 12 months. I've changed a lot in the space of one year. Maybe not as much as some of my friends would like to think but there's a lot that you don't see!
Remember the question you were asked once, where do you see yourself in five years time? And from that, you planned what your life would be like, to as much detail as possible so that what you imagined would become reality. You always went with the popular choices, the stable jobs, the ones that would keep you in good health and the one without any risks. It's strange now that I think of what I would have said five years ago, it's so different compared to what and how I am living my life now.
Earlier in the year, I broke up with my fiancee. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to do in my whole life. Sometimes, I wake up wondering which day of my life I will spend regretting ever doing that. And there are some days which I wake up in sheer fear that he was the love of my life and the ship has sailed for me. Other days I wake up hopeful that it was the right thing for me to do in my life now. Some days I just wake up, with no thoughts, feeling happy to take on the world.
In October, I found out to my surprise that I was starting the third year of my PhD. It did creep up on me, maybe because I had spent a lot of time running the college bar! The realisation of that hit me like a ton of bricks, spurring me to work harder. Also the fact that I would be able to go to conferences and network with others (or have free holidays!) and would need something substantial to present.
Friends have kept me sane throughout the year. I've made friends from more countries in the past year than ever before and some of them have returned, increasing the number of places around the world that I can travel to and crash with. I am going to especially thank some people who have had to listen to my neuroses and deal with it. Inevitably, I am going to miss out some of you but I figure you already know in your heart how special you are to me. My best friend, Nom, who deserves special mention for having the heart to tell me things I don't want to hear. The same goes to Kath as well, you've been great this year. And Jean-Marie, I've only known you for a year but it feels like much more than that, don't leave! Mary, who takes me into her home and lets me hijack a family Christmas. She also listens to my doubts about my faith and belief in God and keeps me on the straight and narrow, most of the time. You can't win them all. Frischman, you know how great you are!! Sarah & Kathryn, you come as a pair because I met you both as a pair, especially since my fondest memories is of our crazy girly moments! Evelyn, Eveline and Valerie, I've known you three since college. We don't live in the same places anymore and in fact we don't even see each other that much but everytime we catch up we can speak for hours without even thinking about it. Good friends, which come up in the unexpected places include Elona, Phil L, Gav, the indispensable Mark K, the one who makes me laugh so much Ketan and others!
So, what do I want to achieve next year aside from the usual spiel? I should pretend to do some of this exercise malarky, I've been told it's good for you. I should stop smoking, but then again, I don't smoke very much at all. But that's another story for another day.
But I think my new year's resolution is probably to enjoy what I've got and not to worry too much about the future. Life is much more rewarding that way.
Took me a long time to say that huh?
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